Am I coming down with a cold? Why are we allergic to our own dead skin? How does our thinking change our identity? We talked about the brain today, and how dendrites and axons work (kind of). I also stumbled across some journals from four years ago. I’m also really tired. How do these different frames of mind (and the different types of thinking that exist within them) affect who I am? Specifically, those old journals made me seem so full of myself. The first post I wrote in this series was about the difference between an artist and an academic. I think I was more like an artist then, making statements. Even if they were probing and inquisitive in nature, they were posed as realizations rather than hypotheses. Was I so different back then? Was it because I was in a relationship? I don’t feel like I’m THAT different. Maybe I’m more experienced and less naive, but I feel like the way I express myself is pretty similar. Reading back over those journals though, I felt miles away.
I had a bunch of other questions, but they’re growing dim. How can I be part of a “pit crew” and not play the “cowboy” role, when that solitary heroic figure is so appealing to me? Really, though, they were all leading up to this: How do I keep this practice as something other than a list of interesting questions I had throughout the day? How do I make it more meaningful and transformative?
It’s past 10 pm, and that was supposed to me my bed time. Getting old.